


he doesn't love you, jihoon

by tofuuusan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 23:59:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16963944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofuuusan/pseuds/tofuuusan
Summary: Kwon Soonyoung is ignoring Lee Jihoon, but what the hell happened?





	he doesn't love you, jihoon

"Jihoon."

Jihoon flinched as he heard Seungcheol called his name. He pretended he didn't heard him. He focused himself on the music he is editing, tapping on the keyboard, eyes on the screen. No. He didn't heard this camel called his name.

He heard Seungcheol sigh. He saw this coming. He saw this confrontation coming.

"I know you heard me."

He looked at the older, eyes void of emotion. "What is it, Cheol? This better be important." Jihoon said, pretending not to know what Seungcheol is gonna say. Pretending. Yes, he's good at that.

"Jihoon, for the record, it's hyung for you."

Jihoon rolled his eyes because of the older's remark. "What is it?" He looked back at his screen, mind's already wandering, waiting for the bomb to be dropped.

"It's about you and Soonyoung." Seungcheol softly said. He saw Jihoon froze at the name he mentioned. "Is there a problem between the two of you?"

"There's nothing." Jihoon said, proud of himself that his voice didn't broke.

"I know you saw that video."

Yes. Yes, he fucking saw that video. That video was the evidence of Soonyoung ignoring him. The video where some stupid fan noticed that he was about to reach Soonyoung's hand but the latter ignored him. The video where his face showed the disappointment even if he's fast enough to looked at the other way. The video where the gap between them was so evident that it hurts him still.

But no, he won't tell that he saw it. He'll deny this. Just like how he deny Soonyoung's feelings for him. Just like how he will deny that he's hurt that Soonyoung is ignoring him now. Just like how he'll deny that he missed _his_ , rather, that hamster. Just like how he'll deny that he's already in love with the performance leader but now it's too late.

"I don't know what video you're talking about, hyung." Jihoon said coldly.

"Don't lie to me Jihoon. That video was getting viral. Fans were already getting worried that there's a beef between the two of you." Seungcheol was getting frustrated because of Jihoon's ignorance..

"It's not that important hyung. Fans were just being overdramatic, over-analyzing everything we do. Soonyoung and I were okay." Lies. Soonyoung and him were not okay.

\-----

 

_"Jihoonie, can we talk?"_

_Jihoon raised an eyebrow to a panting Soonyoung who barged in his studio. "What is it Soons?"_

_He saw Soonyoung took a deep breathe. "I like you." Soonyoung chuckled dryly. He's fidgetting his fingers, a sign that he's nervous. "I like you Lee. Maybe a lot? A whole lot. Or maybe I'm already in love with you."_

_Jihoon just stared at Soonyoung after his sudden confession. The silence between them was uncomfortably awkward, Soonyoung just wanted to run away from this place. He was about to say something when he heard Jihoon laughing. He looked at the younger, confused and scared because Jihoon looks like he was about to run out of breathe._

_"Kwon Soonyoung, that was so funny." Jihoon said as he wiped the tears that were formed at the corner of his eyes. "Wow. That was really a good joke. It's been ages since I laughed like that, Soons."_

_Jihoon looked at him, Soonyoung's keeping a straight and unreadable face, a face that Jihoon rarely sees. A face that made him feel uneasy and nervous. Soonyoung walked towards him._

_"Lee, I'm serious. I like you. I will never run from our dorm to this studio when I realized this and I don't know how the hell I got the courage to confess this, confess that I love you." Soonyoung's face softened, but his voice sounded determined. "I'm not joking Lee Jihoon."_

_Jihoon felt a tug in his heart, but he chose not to believe this. They must have a bet on him or whatever. Soonyoung doesn't love him. No. He's not in love with him._

_"I can't believe you. Are you messing with me? Is this some kind of prank? Am I in a reality show? Where are the cameras?" Jihoon stood up, frantically searching for those non-existent cameras while Soonyoung's just standing there, hurt by Jihoon's actions._

_"Ji. Hey, Ji." Soonyoung pulled him so that Jihoon stands in front of him. "Please look at me." Soonyoung held Jihoon's chin so the latter can look straight into his eyes. Jihoon looked at Soonyoung's eyes. Soonyoung's eyes were like galaxies, stars dancing inside of them, and he feels like he's lost because of them. The look Soonyoung was giving him scared him.. he saw fondness, hope, adoration and love? Was that love supposed to look like? Love. No.. Soonyoung was not in love with him, and he'll never entertain that thought._

_Jihoon looked away, chuckled and pushed Soonyoung away._

_"It's not true Soons, right? You're not in love with me. This better be a joke. Please."_

_Soonyoung brushed his hair, hurt and frustrated. He wanted to scream at Jihoon, fist balled on his side._

_"Is my feelings some kind of joke to you, Lee Jihoon?" Jihoon flinched because of the coldness of Soonyoung's voice, the unfamiliar tone as he mentioned his name. He's not used to this. He sat on the couch, arms propped on his legs, waiting for Soonyoung to continue._

_But Soonyoung didn't talk._

_"It's impossible." Jihoon whispered, but loud enough for Soonyoung to hear. "You can't love me, Soonyoung."_

_"Deny all the fuck you want, Lee. But don't ever disrespect my feelings." Soonyoung sounded angry, Jihoon looked up at him. "Deny all the fuck you want." Soonyoung repeated. "You can reject all my advances, you can reject the affection that I'm giving to you, but that doesn't change the fact that I am madly and hopelessly in love with you. This is fucking real Jihoon, and it goddamn hurts a lot!" Soonyoung glared at him, tears staining his handsome face, hurt evident on his eyes, voice sounded so weak._

_Jihoon wanted to reach out for him, to comfort his best friend but, who was he? On what rights? He was the one who hurt the man in front of him. "Did I even asked you to like me back? To love me back? I just want you to know that I love you. But what? You fucking think that this is all a joke, a prank."_

_Jihoon stared at him, denying everything that he was hearing._

_"I'm sorry, Jihoon." Soonyoung let out a sigh, wiped his tears and left his studio, leaving a confused and shocked Jihoon, processing all what happened._

_After that incident, Soonyoung was ignoring Jihoon and Soonyoung was not very subtle about it._

_Jihoon didn't care at first._

_Every member in Seventeen knew how much Soonyoung wants Jihoon's attention that's why they were so worried on what's happening between the two captains. Seungcheol wanted to talk to them but they always shut him out._

_Seungcheol planned a trip for the team so that the two will have time to talk. But what are the chances that the CEO made their outing a reality shit when he asked him that he wanted to have a vacation with the boys? A hundred percent._

_He looked annoyed when he announced to the team that they'll film a reality outing or whatever. He was eyeing Jihoon who was seated at the far end of the couch, Jihoon shrugged when he caught his eyes. Soonyoung's excited "Yaha~" were heard and the other members were already busy planning for this trip. Seungcheol just sighed and looked at the worried Jeonghan who's also eyeing the two, hoping that the these two stubborn people will have time to talk._

_Jihoon didn't care at all, or did he? He doesn't know. He didn't care when Soonyoung was beside him when they started filming their outing. He didn't care when Soonyoung ran fast so that he'll chose a smaller car, obviously ignoring him, obviously not wanting to be with him. Jihoon didn't care that Soonyoung bought him an ice cream, he fucking rejected the ice cream even if he wanted to eat. God damn it. Jihoon didn't care when he chose Soonyoung to be his teammate when he can easily chose Wonwoo or Jun. Jihoon didn't care. He knew that he's not feeling this heartache that even he's with Soonyoung, something has changed._

_No, he didn't care when they lost. He didn't care when they need to prepare their food. He didn't care when Soonyoung was happily tasting Seokmin's food, while he's moping at the corner. Jihoon didn't care when Soonyoung was filming him and Seokmin, but the attention was on Seokmin. He didn't care that Soonyoung was so close to him but feels far. He didn't care. Yes.. He didn't. He didn’t that’s why he walked towards Soonyoung when the team called it a day._

_“Soonyoung, meet me at the pool side after 10 minutes.” Jihoon said then walked away fast, leaving the other members shocked and Soonyoung staring at his back._

_Jihoon was uneasy, 20 minutes had already passed but there's still no Soonyoung that appeared on the pool side. Annoyed, he chose to go back to the house to look for Soonyoung. He saw Soonyoung with Wonwoo and Cheol, watching TV and giggling. No. He didn't feel the pain, he didn't feel like he's drowning, like he's out of breathe, no.. he didn't feel this god damn tears that's falling. He didn't feel his heart beating fast.. Fuck Soonyoung. Fuck him for messing with his feelings. Fuck._

_After the outing, Jihoon always made sure that he'll be far from Soonyoung, so that his heart will be at peace.. because everytime he's at the same room with Soonyoung, he began to feel nervous. His heart was beating fast, and he can't keep himself from staring at Soonyoung. Soonyoung who's oblivious that Jihoon was having an internal battle about his feelings._

_"He's not in love with you. You're not in love with him." That's Jihoon's mantra everyday.. No. He's not in love with him.. He's not in love with Kwon Soonyoung. But, who's he lying to?_

\-----

"YAH!! Lee Jihoon!! Why are you crying?" Seungcheol asked Jihoon worriedly.

"Who's crying?" Jihoon touched his face and felt his tears. He faked a laugh and Seungcheol just stared at him. "Hyung, Soonyoung and I... we're not okay." He sobbed on his desk and Seungcheol hugged the younger..

"We know. Everyone on the team knows that you're not okay. I don't know what happened between you two, but please, talk it out Hoonie." Seungcheol softly said.

“Hyung, it hurts. He doesn’t even want to look at me. How? How can I talk to him?”

"Try, Jihoon. Just try."

Jihoon sobbed his heart out and passed out on Seungcheol's arms. The older sighed when he lift the sleeping producer to the couch. He left the studio when he noticed Soonyoung plopped beside the door.

"Hyung, is Jihoon okay?" Soonyoung looked up at Seungcheol, eyes were red from crying.

"I think you have to talk to him, Soonyoung. Please." Soonyoung nodded and Seungcheol left.

Soonyoung entered Jihoon's studio and sat beside the couch.. He touched Jihoon's face and kissed his forehead. "Am I hurting you so bad, Jihoonie? I'm sorry." He softly whispered.

He intertwined their fingers and held Jihoon's hand tightly.. "I'm really sorry Jihoonie. I heard that you cried. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I love you and it's hurting you too." He kissed Jihoon's forehead again and cried his heart out until he felt his eyes heavy and darkness embraced him.

Jihoon woke up with a heavy head and was startled that a hamster with pink hair was also sleeping beside the couch, holding his hand. He smiled as he stared at their hands. Their hands fit so well and it felt good.

Soonyoung woke up and was shocked that Jihoon's staring at him. He looked at their still intertwined hands and he quickly let it go and stood up.

"Uhm. I'm sorry." Jihoon sat on the couch and pat the space beside him, telling Soonyoung to sit.

Soonyoung obliged but kept a safe distance from Jihoon.

"Sorry, Soonyoung."

"For what?"

"For hurting you."

"Jihoon..." Jihoon felt that Soonyoung's staring at him. He looked at him and smiled, startling the latter.

"I want to tell you something, Soons."

"Hmm."

"But promise me, you'll let me talk first." Jihoon stared at Soonyoung. He heard the older sighed and nodded. "I promise."

"Okay. Here it goes. Wait."

"What is it, Jihoon?"

"Hold my hands, please." Soonyoung's mouth formed an 'o' as he didn't expect that request from Jihoon. "Oh okay."

Soonyoung held Jihoon's hands and Jihoon felt that his face was hot and fuck, he doesn't want to continue this. So he cleared his throat and started..

"Soonyoungie-" He heard Soonyoung gasped.

"Wait. Did you--"

"Shut up! I said don't talk!" Jihoon glared at him and Soonyoung nervously laughed. "Okay. Continue, Lee."

He sighed. "Soonyoung, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I treated your feelings as a joke. I just don't know how to react to it, to the sudden confession" Jihoon stared at Soonyoung's face. "At first, I don't want to believe it, but.. when the time you ignored me, I thought that you must be serious--"

"--but I'm serious." Soonyoung whined and pouted.

"Soonyoung please. Let me finish."

"Okay. Okay."

Jihoon felt Soonyoung held his hands tighter.

"I didn't care at all at first. But when you were laughing and taking care with other members without looking at me, I felt jealous. I pretended that I'm mad at you. I tried to ignore you too.. but my heart can't."

"Jihoonie."

"I'm devastated when you injured yourself and you don't even want to see me. I was so worried Soonyoung-ah, but you don't want me near you and that fucking hurts. That did it Soonyoung."

"Jihoonie, I'm sorry." Soonyoung let go of his hands and cupped his face, wiping Jihoon's tears.

"I'm not done yet, I said just let me talk." Jihoon said between his sobs. "That did it Soonyoung, you making me worried about you, me also secretly wanting your attention, it made me realized something."

Jihoon saw that Soonyoung was holding his breathe. "Breathe Soonie." He chuckled.

"I kept denying my feelings and it just making things worse. Soonyoung-ah, I'm--"

"Achoo!"

Soonyoung suddenly sneezed at Jihoon's face. He blinked, stared at Soonyoung then laughed.

"Fuck Soons."

Soonyoung also laughed, wiping Jihoon's face with this sweater paws.

"I'm sorry, Jihoon. Please continue what are you saying?"

Soonyoung smiled softly at Jihoon. Jihoon held Soonyoung's face.

"I'm in love with you Soonyoungie."

Soonyoung stared at Jihoon's eyes.. He must have heard it all wrong.

"No. Soonyoung, this is not a joke or a prank.. I'll quote what you've said when you confessed to me. I am madly in love with you. And this is fucking real that it hurts when I realized it."

Soonyoung hugged Jihoon tight.

"Yah! You're crushing me." Jihoon said with a small smile.

"I'm sorry, Jihoonie. I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I don't know what to do, that's why I just ignored you."

Soonyoung broke the hug and stared at Jihoon's tear-stained face. "Jihoon, I love you. Do you believe me now?"

Jihoon nodded.

"I-i love you too, Soonyoung-ah."

Soonyoung kissed the corner of Jihoon's lips and smiled.

"Jihoonie~ can I kiss you?"

"You already did kissed me, idiot." Jihoon smirked.

Soonyoung kissed him full on his lips. Jihoon finally let himself love Soonyoung. Finally, after all the stupid angst and denying of feelings, these two stubborn leader found their way in each other's arms. Fucking finally.


End file.
